Showing posts with label #books #Pen-L Publishing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #books #Pen-L Publishing. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

PERFECTIONISM

We expect to be derailed by grief or fear, but perfectionism? That one slips up on our blind side. This problem is deceitful. What causes it?


I know I never measured up to what my mom wanted of me. Perhaps I’m still trying to make her proud. Beginning at the beginning helps overcome the urge to err on obsession.

What started your obsession with perfectionism? For that matter, how do we distinguish between trying to be the best we can be and worrying over being perfect? This can be a delicate balance with falling over the line, easy.


In her book Hollow Victory: How to Identify & Disarm 5 Landmines that make Victorious Christian Living Feel Like a Lie, Tara Johnson gives us this checklist of warning signs that you're out of balance.

1. Never satisfied with your performance
2. Negative recurring and persistent thoughts
3. A constant state of awareness about the lack of perfectionism in yourself or others.
4. Refusing to deviate from guidelines or the 'way things are supposed to be'
5. Constantly fearing rejection
6. When your mistakes feel like a death sentence
7. Refusing to change unhealthy behaviors because you might fail at the change
8. Thinking "I have no value in life unless I'm successful."
9. Thinking that love = good performance
10. Overt competitiveness
11. Persistent low self-esteem
12. Guilt over perceived failures
13. Depression
14. Rigid, inflexible, non spontaneous
15. Obsessive-compulsive behavior
16. Lack of motivation
17. Eating disorders
18. General unhappiness and comparing yourself to others.


If you read this list and decide you're there, the danger comes from deciding what you've been doing is a failure. Let me tell you a story of mine.


When I was losing my weight, our teacher left. I continued his class for several months but then stopped. About 7 years ago, encouraged by others to start a weight loss class, I did. I wrote my own curriculum. It was all about me and how great I had done. The class began with about fifteen members but, within four months, went down to four faithfuls (which isn’t unusual with people with weight problems). However, I started overeating, often crying in class, doing more damage than helping. I began to regain weight. I felt condemned and quit the class before the first semester was over. I felt such a failure.
God has given me 3 books, 2 on something about weight loss.

 

My daughter gave me some great advice. She told me, “Mom, that doesn’t mean it was a failure. God can use what you learned. Who knows but what He’ll use you to teach again, or have you encourage others online, or who knows what. It wasn’t a failure. It just wasn’t’ the time or the avenue. You weren't ready. You were still learning.”

 

That was before God helped me write “Divine Dining."
 
Before He spoke through me to groups about right thinking and weight loss.
 
Before, He used me to help others lose weight online 
 
 
 
 
One part of my teaching now is it’s NOT all about me. Perfectionism is a killer.
 
In her book, The Freedom of Letting Go, Donna Clark Goodrich tells us "Ask yourself: Have I truly failed, or am I simply not meeting unrealistic expectations?"
 
Accept yourself as you are before you try to be anything different. Failure in a task doesn't mean you're a failure as a person. Relax. Give yourself a break."

 
Thanks to my daughter's advice, I stopped, learned, prayed, and started again. It wasn't a failure; just success delayed.


If those warning signs hit you between the eyes, think about what you're doing. Is it really a failure or is it just your perfectionism showing? Are you ready or still learning?