This is a sampling from the book, God's Mercies After Suicide: Blessings Woven Through a Mother's Heart by my writing friend, Jean Ann Williams. I hope it ministers to you today.
“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.”
—Psalm 91:11 ESV
“No, no, no!” I slammed my fists on the
headrest of our sofa.
“Jeannie,
stop, you’ve got to stop,” my neighbor, Lupe said, trying to hold me.
I
fell to my knees, yelling, “Joshua’s dead, Joshua’s dead. How can this be?”
I
threw myself on the floor, wailing. When Lupe could not pull me up, she began
to pray in a loud voice. “Father, I rebuke Satan from Jeannie. I rebuke him
now, in the name of Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.”
My
son Joshua had shot himself minutes before. I just walked away from the doorway
of his room where my husband held our dead child, rocking him. With that image
in my mind, terror gripped my heart and now I could not stop screaming.
Then—Lupe prayed. When she
said the name of Jesus, I sensed a whoosh
of calm cover me and the hysteria left my spirit.
With
tears streaming down my cheeks, I struggled to stand on weakened knees. I
wanted to obey the spiritual command and hide in the safe protection of Jesus.
Lupe grabbed hold of my arm and pulled me to her where my face nestled against
her shoulder.
I sobbed. She smoothed the
hair from my face and whispered comforting words, words I no longer remember
those long nine years ago. It does not matter what she said after the prayer.
What mattered at that moment was Lupe came to my aid and she talked to God on
my behalf. His Holy Spirit came to me and stopped my fit and I got up and
sobbed the natural tears of the loss of a child by suicide. Harsh as it felt,
that calm stayed with me and held me up on that day.
Later, after the emergency
workers took my son’s body away, I collapsed a second time. In that weakened
state of shock and disbelief, a covering enveloped me and God loved me. I
sensed His presence within my sorrowing.
Father
God, You cover me with Your Holy Spirit. You sent a human angel to pray over my
shattering heart, a blessing in a horrifying moment. In Jesus’ name, I thank
You. Amen.
Jean Ann Williams lost her
twenty-five year old son Joshua to suicide nine years ago. That one horrific
moment of loss, defined Jean's life from then on. She once wrote and published
stories and articles for children, and now, also, reaches out to parents of
suicide loss with her writing. Jean is currently working on a book of devotions
for mothers who are on their own loss journey because of suicide. Jean and her
husband of 42 years have two remaining children and are blessed with thirteen
grandchildren. The couple lives in Southern Oregon on a tiny farm with goats,
chickens and a golden dog named Chloe-Dean.
A Mother’s Memories
“This dog is a wild animal, Son, are you sure
you want him?”
Joshua
nodded his head. “Yes, Dad, he’s huge, I’ll take him.”
My
husband tugged on the leashed Rottweiler, and the dog leaped from the back of
the pickup. Thirteen-year-old Joshua backed away, and said, “Wow!” His eyes
danced in his excitement to own such a magnificent animal with mahogany and
black markings.
Joshua’s
dad showed him how to begin training the dog, which later became registered as
Harloe Schwarzkopf, a full-blood German
Rottweiler. At first, Joshua had to use caution toward Harloe, because the dog
had flunked the police academy for not obeying the calling off commands in
training. Harloe, so hyperactive, his teeth chattered when Joshua reached out
his hand as though to touch the dog.
At first, Joshua could not move too close
to Harloe, but talked to him in soothing tones. In the next step to calm and
befriend Harloe, Joshua slept on the ground a few yards from the dog for
several nights in a row. With his dad’s guidance, Joshua leash walked Harloe
and in a few weeks, was able to pet and even hug Harloe.
When Harloe died ten years later,
Joshua buried his dog and mourned the loss of the best dog he ever loved.
Other chapter devotions include:
~Your Mother Memories--
~Your Prayer of Praise--
~A Scripture of
Encouragement~
Here's the one page sale sheet for Jean Ann's upcoming book:
Christian Devotional, 40,000 words
God’s Mercies
After Suicide:
Blessings Woven Through
a Mother’s Heart
"If there be any virtue, and if there be any praise,
think on these things."
~Philippians 4:8
Through my personal stories, with thematic scriptures and prayers, and a reader’s journal page, my devotional offers comfort, hope, and the courage a mother needs following the loss of a child to suicide.
With transparency, I beckon mothers to follow along and read how God’s mercies reached me in my most bitter hours and ultimately increased my faith.
On the journal pages, the reader may write memories about her child for future generations, and also include her prayers of praise and scriptures of encouragement.
There is a definite lack of, and a strong need for, devotional books to help the mothers who have lost children to suicide. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention state that suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for persons aged 15-24 years, 2nd among those aged 25-34. In 2010 there were 38,364 suicides in the U.S.—an average of 105 each day.
Here's how to contact Jean Ann Williams for more help.
Ministering to mothers who’ve lost children to suicide
My hope-filled articles on suicide loss have appeared in e-zines such as Open to Hope,
Inspire a Fire, Ruby for Women,
and The Nugget E-zine with one article in an e-book compilation by Open to Hope. I’ve also multi-published nonfiction and fiction
in children’s magazines and wrote a healthy eating column for Listen magazine.
My middle grade novel earned a Letter of Merit through the SCBWI.
Within the last two years, my true stories have been featured in three book anthologies, including Love Is a Verb Devotional, by Gary Chapman. I am a member of American Christian Fiction Writers, Christian Writers Fellowship International list serve,
Society of Children’s Book Writers & Illustrators, and Ruby for Women.
jeanann_w@yahoo.com Blog: http://joshua-mom.blogspot.com/
I can only say, "wow." I read these words and remember the pain from losing our granddaughter when she was 8 days old. God is good through the sorrow. The memories linger through the years as a way of healing.
Thank you for sharing, Jean Ann.
#suicide #books #ghost #writing #Chriist #healing
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